Worry

It's 3pm on a school day as I write this...right about now I would be rushing to get Lily and I in the car armed with an after school snack as Avie always comes out absolutely starving from school!

But today...I am sat on the sofa typing this and lily is lying on a blanket on the floor watching Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom.

My biggest little is going back to a friend from school's house this afternoon for a play and some dinner and I am not needed till 6pm when I can go and pick her up. 

I know this isn't that big of a deal to most...but to me it is.  She's been to friend's houses before, but always either with me or on one occasion to someone's house that I knew and it was for only an hour.

This is different for me.  For her to be invited without me.  To be going to someone's house that I haven't checked out beforehand and with a parent I hardly know.

Now don't get me wrong...if I was truly worried that she was in any danger, she-would-not-be-going.
{I have made a lot of friends since Avie satrted school in September..i talk to a lot of the other mums and dads.  This parent I do not talk to...because she keeps herself to herself.  She seems like she is one of those very nervous people who doesn't want to interact unless she has to. And I'm fine with that.}

I do see her everyday at school...I see the little girl everyday...I see them interact with love and warmth (although not as much love and warmth as I give my girls)...I see that the little girl always has the most stars on the good behaviour chart at school...I see that Avie does really want to go to her house and I see that   I   must   let   her   go.

But it doesn't make it any easier, sat here, knowing I would normally be going to pick her up and asking her about her day at school and having those few precious short hours soaking her in before bed time.  Today, someone else gets to do that...and because I can't be certain that she will have a good time or have her every need met as I would do, I cannot relax.  But I realise this is all part of her growing up.

I'm just hoping that next time she gets invited back to someone's house, it is to someone I know and have built a relationship with...because when you are trusting someone with the most precious thing in your life, you want to be 100% sure that they will make them as happy as you do.  And you want to enjoy the fact that for once you do not have to do the school run!

Roll on 6pm.........

UPDATE

I am not one to dwell on things, but I feel the need to update on this worry of mine.

Mostly to get it off my chest and into words.

Avie did have a lovely time at her friend's house, BUT at 5 years old she was allowed to ride a bike around the roads (on a sort of cul-de-sac estate with no pavements) completely unsupervised.  She delighted in telling me how thay had to make sure they got out of the way when cars came and that they didn't talk to any of the strangers that went passed, but one stranger spoke to them and told them to make sure they watch out for cars.  I felt absolutely sick to the stomach when she told me and fought back tears.  I couldn't stop myself thinking about what could have happened to her.  What could have happened if a car hadn't seen them, or was going to fast, or if a stranger had....well it doesn't bear thinking about.

 

We are very fortunate to live in a very affluent part of the country made up of little picture postcard villages with very little crime.  However, I still would never think it appropriate to let two children of this young age out on their own, especially one I have been trusted with the care of. 

What made matters worse for me is that they do not live in a very nice area...ex council houses that look like they are falling down.  The majority of people around here, especially those at the school are quite wealthy and you can sense that they look down on people who live in that area (I am not one of these by the way - wealthy or a snob!).  I chose not to be judgemental and trusted that Avie would be well cared for regardless of the type of house and state of house she was going to.  But now I just feel utterly let down by the mother who thought it okay to let her out on her own, but especially in an area that if i'm honest I would class as less safe than the area I live in - and I wouldn't dream of letting a 5 year old out here on their own!

Anyway, she is fine...no harm done and I have learnt a very valuable lesson..

Trust Your Instinct's.

A mother's instinct will never let you down.

x