I miss it. {P52/3}

This week's photo prompt is I Dreamed a Dream.

I have always wanted 4 children.

For as long as I can remember I wanted a boy, girl, boy, girl. 

The boys would look out for the girls at school and when they were older the girls

would help mother the boys and give them advice about girls etc!

This was further compounded by watching "Party of 5" in my teens!

(I loved that program!)

But then I got pregnant for the first time and suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

2.5 years later, I got pregnant again.

And got Hyperemesis again.

And for that reason (amongst others)

 we have made the decision not to have any more babies.

I have accepted this.

But most days, it still breaks my heart.

I have been pregnant for the last time

I have felt the last kick of my unborn baby

and been in awe of the miracle inside me for the last time

I have given birth for the last time, felt the euphoria

and felt like the most amazing person for bringing a life into the world for the last time

I have had that rush of love for a human being i have only just met for the last time

I have had that baby bubble you're in for those first few days

when it is just you and your little family for the last time

I have had those times where your baby wakes up overnight for a feed...

and it feels like it is only you and her in the whole world that is awake

and as close as we were when she was inside me...

for.the.last.time

I miss it

{Picture of me in labour with Lily! Love how it looks like i'm touching the castle!}